I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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