I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
