Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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