We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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