Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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