If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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