Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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