I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
as a side note pls kill me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
