Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The uberlube is also flammable
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
