i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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