i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize