She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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