Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hate all girls vehemently.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
