we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
