Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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