Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
