yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
