God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
