your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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