Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
