I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had to cum in my sink.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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