He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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