Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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