nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
