i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
