Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
