I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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