he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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