I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
