I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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