what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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