I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
