Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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