I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
