fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We just shotgunned beers for America
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
