he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
