ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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