There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
