The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
