This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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