I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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