im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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