Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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