she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
