the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
