saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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