Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
