I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
