I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize