whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
