i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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