I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
