She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
