i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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