Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
