Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
