Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
