do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
