you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
