Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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