why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and she was petting her beer can
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
