thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
