There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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