I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
