my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
