recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
