We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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