Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize