Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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