The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
