Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Oh god it's open bar.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
