Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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