just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
